It's been a long week.

So, I'm 34 and divorced with two children. I keep repeating that to myself, but it doesn't seem any more real or understandable. 


Let me explain.

I've been ignoring things. All the things. Sleeping. Alarms. Paperwork. Making lunch. Meals in general. And I know this isn't healthy, but I don't want to hear it, even from myself. This is not how a functioning adult acts, but I gave myself a month to ignore everything.

The month is up in 3 days and I'll have to figure out systems to cope with the chaos. 

Am I the only one that needs a system? I can't remember to do little things like wipe my counters off, so I invent these elaborate systems to help control the chaos. Pay my electric bill = change the air filter for instance. 

It kind of works. 

I'm about to replace the systems with something else entirely, though, because they aren't working and it's a lot of anxiety. If I get rid of everything maybe there won't be so much mess to maintain. Maybe I'll start to look like myself instead.

31 days. Starting Wednesday. 

31 days to change a mindset. 31 days to burn things to the ground. 

Let's do it.